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Friday, March 8, 2013

JUSTIN BIEBER WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT 'WORST BIRTHDAY': INTRODUCING THE 'BRATTY BIEBER' MEME


Justin Bieber Worst Birthday Meme
Justin Bieber, would you be so kind as to shut your entitled yapper? You did not have the "Worst Birthday" at all. You are an over-privileged pop star who simply didn't get his way on a day humans have deemed an occasion to celebrate their own incredible accomplishment of being pushed through a woman's birthing canal. Yet, after tweeting "Worst birthday" and enjoying the fact that tweeters all over the world so enjoyed his two-word construction that it became the third most popular Tweet ever, Biebs continued to complain about his big day with the most boring Instagram ever (dude, get a WhoSay already). 
After rumors flew that the culprit of the "worst birthday" in Bieber's 19-year existence was a bouncer who wouldn't let Bieber's posse in to a London club thanks to a pesky old British law that says people under 18 can't drink. How dare a club attempt to keep its liquor license (see: any bar or club's life blood) by obeying national laws? THE HORROR. Biebs then took to his Instagram account (you know, the place everyone turns when they want to release a long-winded rebuttal to a UK establishment's claims) to refute the accusation that he had tried to bring 14-year-old Jaden Smith into the "weak ass club," sans any form of grammar recognized state-side or across the pond: 
The funny moment when people believe I brought underage people to a club.. U think Will is letting his 14 year old in a club, I don't think so.. 2nd I love how the club wanted to give the press another reason to why we didn't stay at their weak ass club so they wouldn't look bad for me walking in and right back out..i said m "worst bday" but that was due to dummies pushing over my fans and being overly aggressive. Btw it wasn't the worst bday cuz all my friends from back home flew in I was just mad in the moment
Naturally, this calls for a meme. Because, if this was not enough to warrant it, let's all remember the time he complained about not being nominated for a Grammy. Introducing Bratty Bieber:
Bratty Bieber meme
Bratty Bieber Meme
Bratty Beiber Meme
Bratty Bieber Meme
Bratty Bieber Meme
Bratty Bieber Meme
Bratty Bieber Meme
Bratty Bieber Meme
Bratty Bieber Meme


STEVEN WEBER, THAT GUY FROM 'WINGS', DIVORCING AFTER 17 YEARS


Steven Weber Divorce
Remember that guy from Wings? No, not the big tall one with the blond hair who got nominated for an Oscar and then was in the really crappy Spider-Man movie. The other one! Yea, Steven Weber. You remember him. Maybe you saw him on one of his more recent hit sitcoms like Malibu Country or Hot in Cleveland. Maybe not? Anyway, his wife is divorcing him.
While, of course that is news, what is especially interesting is that he stayed married to Juliette Lesley Hohnen for 17 years. In Hollywood marriage years that's like they were together for 70 years, died in each others' arms, were resurrected, got married again and then broke up at age 89. According to People magazine, she filed for divorce in early February and is asking for custody of their two sons, ages 12 and 9, and spousal support. I bet those Wings residuals can stretch for quite awhile. 

JAY BARUCHEL AND ALISON PILL NO LONGER IN ADORABLE PARADISE, BREAK OFF ENGAGEMENT


Jay Baruchel and Alison Pill Split
The adorableness has come to an end. Apparently, the pairing of Jay Baruchel and Alison Pill was just too much cuteness for Hollywood (though I'll be honest, this image does them no justice  perhaps this was the storm before the shipwreck), as the pair has apparently decided to end their engagement, and just a week after the split of fellow adorable Hollywood duo, Michelle Williams and Jason Segel. What is going on in Tinseltown, people? Why must another good couple bite the dust?

In February, Baruchel (who we hope isn't feeling too melancholy after working on his upcoming apocalyptic flick This is the End) went a wee bit emo on his Twitter, spilling that he'd been "broken up with" and that he'd be off Twitter for a while. And when Pill was spotted without her engagement ring at this weekend's Paleyfest (according to Us Weekly) where she was promoting her HBO series The Newsroom, there was little left to wonder about. This bird had flown. 

The couple has been engaged for two years, and had planned to wed in Quebec in September of 2012, but scheduling had derailed what was sure to be a small ceremony so sweet their guests' parting gifts would be cavaties. Unfortunately, for friends of the previously smiley couple, they'll now have to get their dental blemishes the old fashioned way.

SEE THE FIRST PICTURES OF CASEY ANTHONY, WHO IS BACK IN COURT AND TOTALLY POOR


Casey Anthony Court
There was no hiding behind a big black hat today for Casey Anthony, who appeared in court for the first time since being declared not guilty for the death of her daughter Caylee two years ago. She was in a Tampa courtroom for a bankruptcy hearing where she said that she is unemployed and hasn't made any money from book deals or other ways to sell her story to the public (that is probably for the best). She admitted that she doesn't pay rent or utilities and has been living off the "kindness of strangers" like another tragic Southern belle. I mean Blance DuBois but, of course, she got courted off to the mental institution at the end of A Streetcar Named Desire, so that's probably not the best path for Ms. Anthony. 

According the Associated Press, Anthony claims that she has only $1000 in assets and more than three quarters of a million dollars in debt. She owes her former lawyer $500,000 and almost $150,000 to the Orange County Sheriff's Department for investigation fees. Hey, no one said freedom comes cheap. 

MEMO TO TAYLOR SWIFT: YOU'RE A FEMINIST


Taylor Swift on cover of Vanity FairOnly Anne Hathaway seems capable of inspiring as much ire asTaylor Swift these days. Many seem to have long found her annoying, but it feels like we’re reaching some sort of peak hatred for Swift. (I hope, anyway.) EvenMichael J. Fox has snark to spare for her.
In a new Vanity Fair interview, Swift comes out swinging — and she's more than capable of standing up for herself, thanks. She even has some words for Golden Globes hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler — who took the jab at her love life that led to Fox’s joke. When asked about Fey and Poehler’s crack that she should stay away from Fox’s son (who was onstage helping with the awards), Swift quoted something Katie Couric once told her: “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”
As painful as this is, it’s hard to deny: Taylor Swift is right, and the usually impeccably feminist Fey and Poehler are wrong. Or maybe not so much wrong as likely inclined to agree with her that these jokes could use some rethinking, and are, in fact, sexist. As Swift continued, directing her ire at the broader judgy, tabloid culture, “For a female to write about her feelings, and then be portrayed as some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend in need of making you marry her and have kids with her, I think that’s taking something that potentially should be celebrated — a woman writing about her feelings in a confessional way — that’s taking it and turning it and twisting it into something that is frankly a little sexist.”

I hate to tell you this, Ms. Swift, but given those last few statements, you are a feminist — even though you sidestepped the label in a recent interview with The Daily Beast. Feminism isn't just “guys versus girls,” as you put it there. And, if you really feel that "if you [meaning women] work as hard as guys, you can go far in life," you're a femisist, whether you adopt the label or not. Given that she’s still only 22, hopefully she’s in the process of figuring that out.
Despite her eschewing of the feminist label, I can’t help feeling a little defensive of a girl who has managed to keep her wits and intelligence about her through her teen years in the spotlight, and who is a damn good songwriter. (Otherwise, we wouldn’t all be talking about her in the first place.) Yes, she takes her chances by putting her love life out in her songs for public consumption. Being an artist means being vulnerable, and she has nailed that since the beginning of her career.

Swift has in the process emerged as a confounding creature to many feminists, and thus has ended up the subject of surprisingly vitriolic diatribes from the likes of Camille Paglia and Jezebel. One, these are ridiculous rants against Swift, reflecting far more about the ranters than about the woman herself. What they’re saying is: We don’t think we’d like to hang out with her, and we don’t enjoy her music, therefore she can’t be a feminist like we are.
None of us are perfect feminists. If any of our lives were dissected piece by piece, you could put some parts in the “feminist” column, some parts in the “not,” and I’d hope we’d still be “allowed” to be feminists. Dating back to her teens, Swift has been inspiring little girls to pick up guitars and to write their own truths into song. She has also been perpetuating endless fairy tale, princess-in-distress fantasies through her songs, though I’d argue that that’s her truth. A then-teenage singer/songwriter couldn’t be held responsible for reflecting what her culture had taught her. And incidentally, her newer songs, like “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” and “I Knew You Were in Trouble” drop the Prince Charming delusions.

For me, she lands squarely in the feminist camp — whether she embraces that word or not — when she says this to Vanity Fair: “There’s a lesson in all this, in knowing that you can live your life in a way that you’re proud of and people are still gonna take shots.” Hopefully, she’ll keep doing just that, and growing.
Hollywood.com correspondent Jennifer Keishin Armstrong is the author of two forthcoming books, Sexy Feminism and Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted, a history of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. For more information visit  JenniferKArmstrong.com.

CARLY RAE JEPSEN PROTESTS ANTI-GAY BOY SCOUTS POLICY, DROPS OUT OF ANNUAL JAMBOREE


Carly Rae Jepson Protests Boy Scouts Anti-Gay Policy
Dear Boy Scouts of America, don't call Carly Rae Jepsen. No ifs, ands, or even maybes. The "Call Me Maybe" singer just followed pop band Train right out of the annual National Scouting Jamboree lineup as a means of protest over the organization's anti-gay policies, making her our favorite good Samaritan of the week. 

"As an artist who believes in equality for all people, I will not be participating in the Boy Scouts of America Jamboree this summer..."Jepsen tweeted. Her decision follows the openly gay former Eagle Scout Derek Nance's Change.org petition, which asked that Jepsen and Train remove themselves from the show in support of gay rights. The petition now has 64,000 signatures (and counting), in addition to the victorious result of having Jepson remove herself from the show.
The Boy Scouts organization does not allow openly gay scouts or leaders to be members, something Jepsen says she cannot condone. "I always have and will continue to support the LGBT community on a global level ... and stay informed on the ever changing landscape in the ongoing battle for gay rights in this country and across the globe," she also tweeted.
Her words echo the sentiments of fellow Jamboree dropouts Train, who released a statement to the public stating, "When we booked this show for the Boy Scouts of America we were not aware of any policy barring openly gay people from participation within the organization. Train strongly opposes any kind of policy that questions the equality of any American citizen." The band added the stipulation that their willingness to participate would change if the BSA changed its policy before the date of the Jamboree.
And while fans may be disappointed at the chance to see the acts perform, Jepsen and Train's empathetic decisions have already garnered support from the LGBT community. In a statement released to Hollywood.com, GLAAD's VP of Communications Rich Ferraro says, "No fair-minded media outlet, corporation or celebrity will want to partner with the BSA as long as the organization puts discrimination and anti-gay bias before the needs of young people ... Carly Rae Jepsen and Train's decisions not only send the right message to the BSA, but remind LGBT young people that they are supported and accepted."

It's a comfort to know that while Jepsen rocketed to fame with her hit "Call Me Maybe," she remains grounded enough to know when to stand up for what's right. Our hat's off to you, young lady.

WTF OF THE DAY: MICHAEL VICK IS TRAINING HIS ADORABLE NEW DOG


Michael Vick owns a dog
File this under: How the hell did this happen? Michael Vick has a pet dog and he was spotted taking the pup to a training session in New Jersey.
Yes, the Philadelphia Eagles quarterback who went to prison for participating in illegal dog fights now has a pet dog. And he's taking him to PetSmart training classes, just like every other red-blooded American with a furry friend, according to photos obtained by local Philadelphia blog Crossing Broad (below).
Michael Vick at Petsmart With New Dog
In October, Vick raised suspicions of this seemingly unwise (and, at the time, illegal) life choice when he tweeted a picture of his daughter and a box of Milk Bones. The tweet was soon deleted, perhaps because his three-year ban on owning dogs wasn't quite up. However, it now seems that Vick has made good on his promise to get his kids a pup as he toldPiers Morgan in July saying, "I can't take that dream away from them. That's selfish on my behalf."
And while it may again be legal for Vick to own a dog, and his daughters surely could benefit from a dog in their lives — because, who couldn't? — it still feels a bit unseemly to witness the man whose violent claim to fame overshadows his skills on the field with a dog of his own. 

SOMEONE GROUND JUSTIN BIEBER BEFORE HE HAS A SUPERSTAR-SIZED MELTDOWN


Justin Bieber is late to concert
Justin Bieber is 19 years old now, which means he is hardcore. Forget those pre-pubescent fans, Bieber is a serious, grown-up musician now who doesn't give a f**k what anyone says — he can start his concert at 10:30 PM if he wants to, and there's nothing you and your $200 ticket can do about it. 
Well, you can cry about missing your train home and have your parents tweet their disgust — as happened when Bieber hit the stage approximately two hours after his scheduled start time for Monday's concert in London — and then Bieber will have to issue an apology, which is totally the hot s**t rock music golden god thing to do. Regarding the incident, Bieber took to Twitter to first clear up the facts — "last night i was scheduled after 3 opening acts to go on stage at 935 not 830 but because of some technical issues i got on at 10:10..so…" — and then followed up with a half-hearted apology. "i was 40 min late to stage. there is no excuse for that and I apologize for anyone we upset. However it was great show and Im proud of that," he said.  

But wait, there's more. Mother of the Biebs, Pattie must not have been satisfied with the above attempt at amends, as Bieber blasted one more apology, "i never have any intent to upset or let anyone down. and Im not okay with things being exaggerated. once again sorry for anyone upset." 
We're getting warmer. 
Bieber has been 19 for exactly five days and in that time he's managed to create quite the PR nightmare for himself — what with the whining and the Jaden Smith underage club controversy and now the concert brouhaha. In his attempt to act like an adult superstar, Bieber has in fact retrograded. His actions reek not of rock star, but of rebellious teenager. It's time Pattie puts her foot down and gives her son the grounding he deserves before Bieber suffers a full blown pop star meltdown. 

To make it easier, we recommend Ms. Mallette think of Bieber's antics in more teen-friendly lens. Hard to punish your son for coming late to his concert at a sold-out arena? What would you do if he, say, missed his curfew by two hours? Ground him. Here are some other scenarios to file away for future notice.  
Trashes His Hotel Room: The only rock star cliché that's bigger than arriving late to your own concert is completely destroying your hotel room. We're talking empty liquor bottles littering the floor, cocaine residue on the sink, glitter… everywhere, the works. Should Bieber do this, Pattie should pretend he…
Won't Clean Up His BedroomSounds like someone won't be getting dinner (or dessert) until he takes care of that pigsty. 

Acts Out on TV: Thanks to Jim Morrison's decision to deliberately disobey the Ed Sullivan show's request to change the lyric, "Girl, we couldn't get much higher" to "Girl, we couldn't get much better," ignoring TV's censors has become a right of passage for skyrocketing musicians. It's only a matter of time before Bieber drops the F-bomb onLIVE With Kelly and Michael. And when he does, think of it as…
Being Rude at a Friend's House. And you know what to do when your stoic teen doesn't thank Mr. and Mrs. Jones for inviting him over for dinner? He doesn't get to play with his friends for a week. 
Smashes His Guitar On Stage: Now that he's touring with his acoustic album, there's ample opportunity for Bieber to exchange his dance moves for a little strumming. And when the strumming is done… BAM. Bye bye guitar. And you know what to do when he…
Doesn't Take Care of His Belongings? You take them away. No guitar, no PS3, no Ferrari. This is why we can't have nice things, Justin. 

Is Seen Doing Drugs: Bieber's already been spotted smoking the green stuff ("allegedly"), so hard drugs can't be far behind. We're surely only steps away from the Biebs being caught with a bag of powder in the front seat of his car or molly in his pocket. And when he does, just think of it as…
Drinking In the Basement. While we've been lead to believe that in some zip codes (we're looking at you, 90210) this is exactly the type of thing teens get in trouble for, no changes necessary, the average teenager is more likely to get caught with a 6-pack than a gram. And when this happens, said teenager isn't allowed to hang out with those bad influences ever again. 
Is Caught With Strippers: With the drugs and rock and roll under his belt, the only thing left for Bieber to experiment with is sex. Cue the strippers and hookers! Should Pattie discover Charlie Sheen on Bieber's speed dial and a mysterious G-string in his backpack, she should think of it as…
Making Out in His Bedroom. We have an open door policy in this house for a reason, young man! This kind of hanky-panky will not be tolerated. All dates must be chaperoned for the next month. UnlessSelena Gomez is there, we trust her. 

AMY POEHLER RESPONDS TO TAYLOR SWIFT, PROVES SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL, TROPICAL FISH, TOO


Amy Poehler Responds to Taylor Swift
Earlier, we watched as Taylor Swift reponded with feminist fervor to the dig Amy Poehler and Tina Fey made at her expense during the Golden Globes and had to admit, the girl kind of had a point. It pained us to acknowledge that our perfect, pristine lady heroes could possibly be on the wrong side of any argument, especially one involving someone as universally annoying as Miss Swift. But now, Poehler has set the balance back in place by responding in a way as awesomely as humanly possible to Swift's comments.
"Aw, I feel bad if she was upset. I am a feminist and she is a young and talented girl. That being said, I do agree I am going to hell. But for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff," she tells the The Hollywood Reporter
Poehler, you beautiful, tropical fish (as her Parks and Recreationcharacter has famously called her best friend Anne, on occasion), we doubted you for mere hours and you come back with something wonderful and dare I say it: perfect. We'll never second guess you again, we promise. 

VENEZUELAN PRESIDENT HUGO CHAVEZ DEAD AT 58


Huge Chavez Dead at 58
Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez has lost his battle with cancer. The politician died during the afternoon on March 5. He was 58 years old.
The announcement was made by Chávez's vice president, Nicholas Maduro, who was very emotional as he released a statement alongside Venezuelan politicians and military leaders, according to BBC News
Chávez's career was marked by constant controversy since he the time he took up the post of Venezuela's president in 1998, and in October, Chavez earned another six-year term in office. However, in December of 2012, his years-long battle with cancer once again reared its head and he retreated from public view to Cuba where he sought further medical treatment. 
At the time of his retreat, Chávez named his vice president, Maduro, as his successor. 

MILA KUNIS VS. JENNIFER LAWRENCE: THE BATTLE TO BE AMERICA'S BEST FRIEND FOREVER


Jennifer Lawrence versus Mila Kunis
Alert the media: cool girls are having a moment! But having a moment doesn't come without some controversy of its own: in fact, America's rabid friend-crush on Jennifer Lawrence has gained a bit of competition from Mila Kunis.
The Oz The Great and Powerful star reminded us not to count her out of the game, because she, too, is a normal, awesome, funny, charming human being. We already knew this about Kunis, but the star reaffirmed our thoughts — and momentarily stole the spotlight back from Lawrence — with her recent interview with Chris Stark of BBC Radio One's Scott Mills Radio Show (see video below). She agreed to go to a Watford Football Club game with Stark and his lads: the colorfully-named Sir Dosser, The Convict, and Chango the Beast (who were going to be infinitely jealous of all the Lad Points he accumulated from his Kunis time. Probably while necking a pint or drinking Jägerbombs and lad bombs). There was talk of Nando's, Dickos, trou dropping, meat pies, and Baywatch. It was both endearing and hilarious — and made all the more awesome by Kunis' candor.

The battle for America's Number One Best Friend has been raging slowly below the surface of our adoration of these two ladies, but today it bubbled over the edge and out into the open. How, oh how, can we pick just one to be America's Best Friend? Especially when Kunis and Lawrence are both so awesome? Is it possible to choose just one when they both give cool such a good name? We decided to break it down, battle royale style, and determine, once and for all, who deserves to be America's Ultimate Cool Girl Best Friend Forever. It's a hard job, but somebody's gotta do it.
So what makes Kunis and Lawrence so cool? Well...

They Defend Their Friends Awesomely
Mila Kunis: At a Russian press event in support of her film Friends With Benefits, Kunis laid down the law — in Russian! — to defend her co-star Justin Timberlake's choice to do movies rather than just music.
See? Awesome. And totally a Best Friend move. On a scale of 1 - 10, Kunis gets 10 BFF Points.
Jennifer Lawrence: When your friend and Silver Linings Playbook costar is Bradley Cooper, a man recently single, you do him a solid and set him up with your friends!
No question: Lawrence gets 10 BFF Points — because this benefits both Cooper AND her girlfriends who are probably forever grateful for the opportunity to be considered a potential mouth partner for People Magazine's 2011 Sexiest Man Alive. 
They Star in Dior Ads Awesomely
Mila Kunis:
Chic, black & white, and timeless? 10 BFF Points.
Jennifer Lawrence: (behind-the-scenes)
Chic, black & white, and timeless, again? Yep, that'll be another 10 BFF Points.
They Handle The Unexpected Awesomely
Mila Kunis: Press days can be insanely monotonous and boring. Stars are forced to answer many of the same questions over and over again, for hours on end. So, naturally, Mila jumped at the chance to chat up Chris Stark about his own life — and still managed (as you'll see at the 4:50 mark) to do her job and publicize the movie.
Obviously, 10 BFF Points.
Jennifer Lawrence: Jack Nicholson shows up in the middle of a post-Oscar interview. Hilarity ensues.
No question, 10 BFF Points.
They Handle Embarrassment Awesomely
Mila Kunis: When talking about her boyfriend Ashton Kutcher onEllen, Kunis found herself a bit flustered and shy.
"Give or take a couple minutes!" Being nervous makes her eyes tear up? C'mon! 10 BFF Points.
Jennifer Falling at Oscars: Every star's worst nightmare came true for Lawrence when she made her way to the stage to accept her trophy.
No caption necessary: 10 BFF Points.

THE GRAND TOTAL:
Jennifer Lawrence: 40 BFF Points
Mila Kunis: 40 BFF Points
It's a dead heat!
Man, making decisions is hard. Who could possibly come out on top in this battle? Can there really, truly be only one Best Friend Forever for America? How are we supposed to choose? Life is hard enough without having to make such a decision. Oh, the humanity! Perhaps in a time like this, it's best to remember the wise words of Mindy Kaling when talking about the concept of Best Friend: "Best Friend isn't a person, it's a tier." And it is with hearty agreement we say: Mila and Jennifer, you are the Best Friends of America!

BEYONCE, WE LOVE YOU, BUT WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS AD? — PIC


Beyonce Mrs. Carter World Tour Pepsi Poster
Let me open by professing my undying love for Beyoncé. If it wouldn't start complete and utter chaos in my family, I'd consider declaring the goddess who walks among us my religion. I refused to let anyone utter a single peep while viewing her HBO documentary Life is But a Dream, because it might ruin the illusion that she was speaking only to me. So, it is with the greatest respect (and absolutely no bitterness over how impossible it is to get tickets to her sold-out Mrs. Carter World Tour) that I announce this: Bey, this mega-blonde look is not working for you. 
It's a little brassy and more than a little washed out, and Miss Girls Run the World is striking a seriously bimbo-esque pose. Where is your fierceness, your "WE RUN THIS MOTHER, YEAH" face, B? We know you're gorgeous, but we follow you blindly because you are one badass lady, not because you're good at being a bubblegum idol. 

Queen B posted this new image highlighting her partnership with Pepsi for her world tour, and while our girl still looks a-mah-zing, I do have to question the logic behind the look. 
Do you like Beyoncé's look?

SHOULD R. KELLY'S 'IGNITION' BE THE NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM?


R. Kelly: American Hero
You can't pick up a right-leaning newspaper or flick on an episode ofHannity or listen to your grandfather clamor on over a bowl of stewed cabbage without being smacked with the following affirmation: this country has taken quite the dive. Yes, the good old days are far behind us — the days of Perry Como, High Noon, and expensive hats. And yearn as we might to bring our homeland to its glorious pre-ironic state, we only really have enough gigawatts of plutonium for a trip back, say, 10 years or so. Such seems to the be the motivation for the latest petition to hit the White House website: a movement to replace our current national anthem, "The Star Spangled Banner," with R. Kelly's 2003 hit "Ignition." Some big dreaming traditionalist longs to return the U.S. of A. to its golden years... and he's apparently willing to settle for a time when people still loved American Idol and hated comic book movies.
But if we're going to propagate the efforts of this revolutionary — this free-thinking radical who'd rather bend the pulse than follow it — then we're going to need more than just some R. Kelly song. We're going to need to sweep the national identity as a whole, injecting each and every pop culture fixation of our decade-younger selves into the country's brand. So what other irrelevant bits of mainstream yore, which long-frayed fabrics from the template of 2003, can we revive for an America of which we might once again be only marginally ashamed?
New National MottoFrom "In God We Trust" to "You're my boy, Blue!" It's emphatic, it's uniting, it's affectionate, and it's practically the only sentence any of your a**hole friends would say to each other for the entire year after Old School came out.
New Country Capital
From Washington D.C. to the Matrix. (Reloaded. You know, the better one.)
New Presidential ResidenceFrom the White House to House of 1000 Corpses. That was a movie!
New Dollar Bill
From the likeness of our first president, George Washington, to that of Ali G. Ah, the good old days before Sacha Baron Cohen sung close-up numbers in impoverished France... 
New National BirdFrom the Bald Eagle to the Raven. As in, That's So.
New National Beverage From bourbon whiskey to "Milkshake." Remember that? Remember when that was a thing? Yes. Now you do. Now you do.
The year was 2003... and the time, as we can see, was one of fortitude. A time of Luke Wilson, of teen sitcoms, of Kelis. If we work together, we can bring our country back to this eon of perfection. And the movement, as so many things are, is all thanks to R. Kelly.

TINA FEY RESPONDS TO TAYLOR SWIFT: 'IT WAS JUST A JOKE'


Tina Fey responds to Taylor Swift
Hey Taylor Swift: You might be mad about a mild punchline from more than a month ago, but Tina Fey — and her close friend and formerSaturday Night Live costar Rachel Dratch — have something to tell you.
"It was a just joke," Fey tells Hollywood.com of her teensy jab at the singer during the Golden Globes ceremony. "I think it was a very benign joke," Fey tells us — and a small group of reporters — at the red carpet premiere of her new movie, Admission, in New 
In Swift’s just-released interview with Vanity Fair, the emotional and extremely vocal singer admitted she was not too pleased with Globes hosts Fey and Amy Poehler. At one point during the broadcast the jokingly "drunk" duo told told Taylor to "stay away" from Michael J. Fox’s son lest she write a song about him. In response to the light mocking, the 23-year-old singer used a quote that Katie Couric once told her to express her feelings: "There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women." Fair, or over-reaction?
Dratch was also up to date on the Swift/Fey/Poehler controversy, and thinks the entire situation appears to be one big overly dramatic misinterpretation. "I don't think Tina meant [the comment] in the way that Taylor took it," Dratch tells Hollywood.com. "I just think Taylor — I'm talking about Taylor like I know her — but she's probably just sick of all of this."

The actress continues: "I get what she was saying about [how the press] create this persona for her and she's probably really sick of that, and that was probably some lightening rod for her. But I think Tina and Amy were ladies and probably just joking about it.”
Poehler has already graciously responded to Swift’s Vanity Fair/Dear Diary rant — and it was a beautiful tropical fish moment — so now that both hosts and an SNL alum have presented their two cents can we please move on? That is until Swift inevitably releases her newest song that bashes the "Mean Girls" of Hollywood…

VALERIE HARPER, 'MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW' STAR, DIAGNOSED WITH TERMINAL BRAIN CANCER


Valerie Harper
2013 is going to be a sad year for fans of the The Mary Tyler Moore Show and its spin-off, Rhoda. Star of the two shows, Valerie Harper, has been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, People reports. And doctors say that the beloved star has as little as three months left to live.
Harper received the news on Jan. 15. A series of tests revealed that she has leptomeningeal carcinomatosis, a condition where cancer cells invade the membrane that protects the brain. This diagnosis carries a high rate of mortality. 
Despite the diagnosis, Harper has put on a brave face about her remaining time. "I don't think of dying," the 73-year-old actress, who has been battling lung cancer since 2009, says. "I think of being here now."

SHIA LABEOUF CALLS HIMSELF 'HUSTLER' AND ALEC BALDWIN 'CHIEF' IN BIZARRE EMAIL THREAD

Shia LaBeouf Wages a Twitter War with Alec Baldwin
Such big egos, such little self-control. Shia LaBeouf is prolonging his cyber-war with Alec Baldwin, which began last month and continued when they exchanged barbs in a Twitter kerfuffle earlier this week. The two actors had been set to star together in the Broadway playOrphans, until LaBeouf decided to leave the production last month. Then, just earlier this week, he tweeted something that apparently ticked off Baldwin. The ex-Transformers star wrote, "theater belongs not to the great but to the brash." Baldwin quickly tweeted in response, "I can tell you that, in all honesty, I don’t think he’s in a good position to be giving interpretations of what the theater is and what the theater isn’t."
Now LaBeouf has responded to Baldwin’s reply by upping the cyber ante. He’s released screengrabs of a private email exchange with a mysterious individual named “Sulyboy,” who’s either someone who’s a big fan of Ottoman sultan Suleiman the Magnificent or Orphans directorDaniel Sullivan. It’s probably Daniel Sullivan. These appear to benotes from a director to his actor about what to expect in terms of the behavior of his even bigger-name actor co-star: "Don't be too surprised if Alec doesn't look up from his script much for the first few days. I suspect he's not nearly as prepared as you are. Not unusual at all when actors have a good long rehearsal time like we have. I just don't want it to throw you. I did a reading of another play once with Alec and about 10 minutes in I thought, 'Oh, I guess he's just going to read it.'"
In another exchange between LaBeouf and Baldwin himself, the 30 Rock star indicated that he was “so f***ing tired.” That drew a smug response from LaBeouf: “I’m a hustler. I don’t get tired. I’m 26, chief.” Then Baldwin replied, “Listen, boy. I'm not your f***in' chief. You got that? Ha. Hahahahaha. Let's go." Sullivan himself then responded this exchange with, "I thought it was a very good first. Even if Alec never looked up."
Right… so that clears that up. Can you read between the lines of this very publicly aired dirty laundry?

SENDING GOOD THOUGHTS TO VALERIE HARPER, REVOLUTIONARY, INSPIRATIONAL 'ACTOR'


Valerie Harper diagnosed with terminal cancer
With Valerie Harper announcing in today’s People magazine that she’s been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, anyone who’s a fan ofThe Mary Tyler Moore ShowRhoda, women’s rights, comedy, or good in the world should take a moment to send healing thoughts her way. 
As I learned in researching my upcoming book about The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Harper is a class act. She’s friendly to everyone she encounters, and she can’t help but help anyone who needs it. Her character, Rhoda, gave Mary Tyler Moore its feminist heart — because of the friendship between Rhoda and Mary, and because Harper herself was an outspoken feminist. She refused or revised lines she deemed unliberated. She talked in the press about her desire to be called an “actor,” not an “actress,” and argued with fellow actor Ed Asner about the importance of “Ms.” (This was before Asner himself became a feminist.) Her headscarf-wearing Rhoda was supposed to be the schlumpy sidekick, but instead she became the cool-girl role model.
Even Gloria Steinem got a little slobbery over Harper’s awesomeness. In a 1978 Ms. magazine cover story, Steinem interviewed Harper, calling her Rhoda character “one of the few realistic women on television.” Harper and Steinem discussed the subject of women and money, on which she had loads to say. In a statement that inadvertently summed up her entire personality, she said: “That’s the best part of having money — being able to give gifts. I bought my mother her first real gold earrings. I got a great feeling out of being able to pledge $5,000 for the ERA. And I give to a Chicana center in Los Angeles, and a project to convince people that worldwide hunger isn’t something natural; that it can be eliminated completely, like the plague. And I loved being able to pay for an ad in the trades thanking Charlotte Brown, our new executive producer on Rhoda, who’s literally doing the work of four men who used to be there.”
Yes, Harper is a talker. But her life has made even more of a statement. Please send her your best thoughts today.
Hollywood.com correspondent Jennifer Keishin Armstrong is the author of two forthcoming books, Sexy Feminism and Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted, a history of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. For more information visit  JenniferKArmstrong.com.