IS THIS A TAYLOR SWIFT QUOTE OR A PASSAGE FROM 'THE BELL JAR'?

As you read the following quote, the origin of which we will not disclose until the bottom of the page, think not of Taylor Swift, multi-platinum and Grammy-award-winning artist, and think not of Esther Greenwood, Sylvia Plath's semi-autobiographical protagonist from her only novel The Bell Jar. Nay. Read and absorb the meaning. Stave off all images of young women with long faces, lying languidly in dusty rose-colored chez lounges, their arms draped melodramatically over their eyes as small, feeble sighs escape their perfectly flushed lips and simply read.

"My fears circle around me making the wrong choices and messing this up for myself. I don’t wanna end up being awful and intolerable. Alone. Laying in a marble bathtub by myself, like sad, with a glass of wine just complaining that my life ended up alone because I pushed everyone away because I thought I was too good to hang out with anybody."

Now. Breathe. Let your mind circle like the woman in question's ever-present fears. Who said this? Was it Esther, the depressed young woman who fears she'll be crushed by the never-ending expectations life and her peers have thrust upon her? Or is it Taylor, the young country star whose fame as rocketed her into the belly of the beast where no cruel comment or harsh criticism is spared by anyone with an opinion about her life or her life's work?

Drumroll please... It's Taylor, who gave an interview to InStyle UK, according to The Daily Mail, in which she discusses the pressure of hey day to day existence — which, if you're Swift, can't be easy these days in light of the fact that the Internet has thrown her into the Hatable Celebrity Bucket where her best company is Anne Hathaway.

But can you fault us for feeling a little displaced after reading it? Let's be honest, Swift has probably been brushing up on Plath's works. How could this quote not be inspired by the woman who wrote this:

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."

I rest my case.

MILEY CYRUS' SISTER GETS A MAKE-UNDER: WHEN ZOMBIE PHOTOS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

Miley Cyrus comes from a showbiz family. Her dad is Billy Ray "Achy Breaky Heart" Cyrus, her godmother is the one and only Dolly Parton, her brother Trace is the lead singer in the band Metro Station, and Miley herself has been in the spotlight since she was just nine years old. Cyrus' older sisterBrandi Cyrus (25), is also an aspiring musician — her duo with friend Codi Caraco, called Frank + Derol, released a song in August. But it's not Brandi's music that's making headlines now. It's her, well... it's her face. 

Brandi has been named the new face of Rad + Refined (what is it with this girl and her plus signs?), an online clothing boutique. Rad + Refined owner Jaqueline Rezak says of making Brandi a model for her brand, "Brandi brings not only a gorgeous face, but an effortless style to Rad + Refined." 

That's nice, Jacqeline — can we call you Jacqueline? — but then why did you insist on transforming Brandi's gorgeous face into something… not so gorgeous. 

Brandi Cyrus, in her normal, everyday life, is a beautiful, fresh-faced young woman. See Exhibit A, below. 

However, in her photos for Rad + Refined, Brandi more closely resembles an undead Olsen than a vivacious 25-year-old. What exactly happened here? 

And here.

And here.

And here. 

Girl, you so pretty. Why the long zombie face?

TERRENCE HOWARD IS A FAN OF OPRAH'S 'TIG OL' BITTIES'

We've got TERR-ENCE HOW-AAAARD! But when it comes her co-star in Lee Daniels' The Butler, Oprah Winfrey may end up raising her voice out of anger rather than excitement. That genteel gent Terrence Howard decided to OWN up to some, um, intimate details about shooting sex scenes with Oprah... or rather, with a particular part of Oprah's anatomy. Be forewarned: you will never be able to un-readanything your innocent eyeballs gaze upon after this interview with Movie Fanatic.

Howard says it was a revelation to "make out with Oprah, to have love scenes with her and those tig ol' bitties." Come again? "She's such a lovely, voluptuous woman," the Crash star added a smidgen more seriously a few seconds later. "She's very, very beautiful. That was wonderful. That was wonderful." Mind you, he said this during a junket interview for his new action thriller Dead Man Down, out March 8. So when the junkets for The Butler start (the film doesn't have an official release date but is expected out later this year), we can only assume he's really going to let loose.  Check out the video because, really, just reading his comments in print don't do them full, lecherous justice:

In case you're wondering how exactly these love scenes came about, The Butler stars Forest Whitaker as a White House butler who served eight presidents over thirty years. Howard and Winfrey have supporting roles as other members of the White House staff. The film will also feature Robin Williams as Dwight D. Eisenhower, James Marsdenas John F. Kennedy, and John Cusack as Richard Nixon. And apparently, things get pretty hot and heavy between Howard and Winfrey at one point. Somehow we're guessing his particular choice of words here are not among Oprah's Favorite Things.

CUBA GOODING JR. ALTER EGO STORY IS ALMOST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. ALMOST.

Reading the tabloids comes with a grain of salt. There are the things you know definitely aren't true, the things you really hope aren't true, and the things you so desperately hope are true because they are so outrageously off-the-wall ridiculous there's no way anyone could have even attempted to make it up. Case in point: the story the New York Post is running about Oscar-winner Cuba Gooding Jr. which claims that the Chill Factor/Radio/Snow Dogs/Boat Trip, and yeah, sure Jerry Maguire, star has taken on an alter ego persona named... Dick McWilly. (It's settled, as far as hidden identity names go, Dick McWilly > Dick Whitman). 

According to the always-reliable Post —whose headline about this will presumably read tomorrow "Show Me the Loony!" — the 45-year-old actor was at a Cinema Society screening and "was overheard introducing himself to a woman as McWilly, who has a criminal past." Apparently Dick McWilly is a wily troublemaker who just got out of jail, drank "ant piss," had sex with both a leprechuan and an alligator, the latter of which he got pregnant. Just kidding, the alligator didn't get pregnant becausethat would be crazy. 

The article also claims that he compared his Broadway show The Trip to Bountiful to... a sandwich. “If I was gonna make you a sandwich, you wouldn’t want me to talk about me making you a sandwich. You just want the sandwich ... and it’s a good sandwich," he allegedly said. Now whether that was Cuba or Dick talking is uncertain, all we do know is that now we would like a sandwich. Thanks a lot, Cuba/Dick! 

In all seriousness, we hope that the clearly-troubled star isn't completely losing his marbles (the Post also claims he recently pulled a Tracy Jordan and took his shirt off at a bar, but not, unfortunately, while screaming "Show me the money," in turn making that a slightly less amusing anecdote) and that Dick McWilly will join forces with his brother Omar Gooding Jr. to bring back another season of Wild and Crazy Kids. 

RUSSELL CROWE SAW A UFO AND NOBODY BELIEVES HIM

Russell Crowe thought he was in for a quiet night in nature, photographing fruit bats from afar as they flew out of the Sydney Botanical Gardens. You know, a typical weeknight. But the actor captured more than he anticipated when he and a buddy set up a camera outside his office in Woolloomooloo — instead of bats, there's a mysterious, illuminated object traveling across several of his frames. That's right — a UFO.

In a video posted on Crowe's Twitteraccount, three time-lapse photos show a UFO emitting a red light making its way across the frame. "A friend and I set [the] camera to capture fruit bats rising from Botanic Gardens, this was a big surprise," he tweeted. "Canon 5D, No Flash, can't be a lens flare because it moves, camera is fixed."

It's not actually video of the unidentified flying object — Crowe explains it's actually three time lapse photos taken in 4.5 seconds — but he admits he added music and a little editing to make the video a little more entertaining. "I will grant you at the time the music wasn't playing, also, yes, we have pushed in on the frame," he tweeted after receiving some skeptical feedback, but "this is 3 photos in order, nothing added."

To be fair, Crowe's sighting might not have been an alien vessel, but since he can't tell what it actually was, the "unidentified flying object" descriptor is accurate. Check out Crowe's discovery and weigh in: UFO or BS?