JUSTIN BIEBER WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT 'WORST BIRTHDAY': INTRODUCING THE 'BRATTY BIEBER' MEME

Justin Bieber, would you be so kind as to shut your entitled yapper? You did not have the "Worst Birthday" at all. You are an over-privileged pop star who simply didn't get his way on a day humans have deemed an occasion to celebrate their own incredible accomplishment of being pushed through a woman's birthing canal. Yet, after tweeting "Worst birthday" and enjoying the fact that tweeters all over the world so enjoyed his two-word construction that it became the third most popular Tweet ever, Biebs continued to complain about his big day with the most boring Instagram ever (dude, get a WhoSay already). 

After rumors flew that the culprit of the "worst birthday" in Bieber's 19-year existence was a bouncer who wouldn't let Bieber's posse in to a London club thanks to a pesky old British law that says people under 18 can't drink. How dare a club attempt to keep its liquor license (see: any bar or club's life blood) by obeying national laws? THE HORROR. Biebs then took to his Instagram account (you know, the place everyone turns when they want to release a long-winded rebuttal to a UK establishment's claims) to refute the accusation that he had tried to bring 14-year-old Jaden Smith into the "weak ass club," sans any form of grammar recognized state-side or across the pond: 

The funny moment when people believe I brought underage people to a club.. U think Will is letting his 14 year old in a club, I don't think so.. 2nd I love how the club wanted to give the press another reason to why we didn't stay at their weak ass club so they wouldn't look bad for me walking in and right back out..i said m "worst bday" but that was due to dummies pushing over my fans and being overly aggressive. Btw it wasn't the worst bday cuz all my friends from back home flew in I was just mad in the moment

Naturally, this calls for a meme. Because, if this was not enough to warrant it, let's all remember the time he complained about not being nominated for a Grammy. Introducing Bratty Bieber:

STEVEN WEBER, THAT GUY FROM 'WINGS', DIVORCING AFTER 17 YEARS

Remember that guy from Wings? No, not the big tall one with the blond hair who got nominated for an Oscar and then was in the really crappy Spider-Man movie. The other one! Yea, Steven Weber. You remember him. Maybe you saw him on one of his more recent hit sitcoms like Malibu Country or Hot in Cleveland. Maybe not? Anyway, his wife is divorcing him.

While, of course that is news, what is especially interesting is that he stayed married to Juliette Lesley Hohnen for 17 years. In Hollywood marriage years that's like they were together for 70 years, died in each others' arms, were resurrected, got married again and then broke up at age 89. According to People magazine, she filed for divorce in early February and is asking for custody of their two sons, ages 12 and 9, and spousal support. I bet those Wings residuals can stretch for quite awhile. 

JAY BARUCHEL AND ALISON PILL NO LONGER IN ADORABLE PARADISE, BREAK OFF ENGAGEMENT

The adorableness has come to an end. Apparently, the pairing of Jay Baruchel and Alison Pill was just too much cuteness for Hollywood (though I'll be honest, this image does them no justice — perhaps this was the storm before the shipwreck), as the pair has apparently decided to end their engagement, and just a week after the split of fellow adorable Hollywood duo, Michelle Williams and Jason Segel. What is going on in Tinseltown, people? Why must another good couple bite the dust?

In February, Baruchel (who we hope isn't feeling too melancholy after working on his upcoming apocalyptic flick This is the End) went a wee bit emo on his Twitter, spilling that he'd been "broken up with" and that he'd be off Twitter for a while. And when Pill was spotted without her engagement ring at this weekend's Paleyfest (according to Us Weekly) where she was promoting her HBO series The Newsroom, there was little left to wonder about. This bird had flown. 

The couple has been engaged for two years, and had planned to wed in Quebec in September of 2012, but scheduling had derailed what was sure to be a small ceremony so sweet their guests' parting gifts would be cavaties. Unfortunately, for friends of the previously smiley couple, they'll now have to get their dental blemishes the old fashioned way.

SEE THE FIRST PICTURES OF CASEY ANTHONY, WHO IS BACK IN COURT AND TOTALLY POOR

There was no hiding behind a big black hat today for Casey Anthony, who appeared in court for the first time since being declared not guilty for the death of her daughter Caylee two years ago. She was in a Tampa courtroom for a bankruptcy hearing where she said that she is unemployed and hasn't made any money from book deals or other ways to sell her story to the public (that is probably for the best). She admitted that she doesn't pay rent or utilities and has been living off the "kindness of strangers" like another tragic Southern belle. I mean Blance DuBois but, of course, she got courted off to the mental institution at the end of A Streetcar Named Desire, so that's probably not the best path for Ms. Anthony. 

According the Associated Press, Anthony claims that she has only $1000 in assets and more than three quarters of a million dollars in debt. She owes her former lawyer $500,000 and almost $150,000 to the Orange County Sheriff's Department for investigation fees. Hey, no one said freedom comes cheap. 

MEMO TO TAYLOR SWIFT: YOU'RE A FEMINIST

Only Anne Hathaway seems capable of inspiring as much ire asTaylor Swift these days. Many seem to have long found her annoying, but it feels like we’re reaching some sort of peak hatred for Swift. (I hope, anyway.) EvenMichael J. Fox has snark to spare for her.

In a new Vanity Fair interview, Swift comes out swinging — and she's more than capable of standing up for herself, thanks. She even has some words for Golden Globes hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler — who took the jab at her love life that led to Fox’s joke. When asked about Fey and Poehler’s crack that she should stay away from Fox’s son (who was onstage helping with the awards), Swift quoted something Katie Couric once told her: “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”

As painful as this is, it’s hard to deny: Taylor Swift is right, and the usually impeccably feminist Fey and Poehler are wrong. Or maybe not so much wrong as likely inclined to agree with her that these jokes could use some rethinking, and are, in fact, sexist. As Swift continued, directing her ire at the broader judgy, tabloid culture, “For a female to write about her feelings, and then be portrayed as some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend in need of making you marry her and have kids with her, I think that’s taking something that potentially should be celebrated — a woman writing about her feelings in a confessional way — that’s taking it and turning it and twisting it into something that is frankly a little sexist.”

I hate to tell you this, Ms. Swift, but given those last few statements, you are a feminist — even though you sidestepped the label in a recent interview with The Daily Beast. Feminism isn't just “guys versus girls,” as you put it there. And, if you really feel that "if you [meaning women] work as hard as guys, you can go far in life," you're a femisist, whether you adopt the label or not. Given that she’s still only 22, hopefully she’s in the process of figuring that out.

Despite her eschewing of the feminist label, I can’t help feeling a little defensive of a girl who has managed to keep her wits and intelligence about her through her teen years in the spotlight, and who is a damn good songwriter. (Otherwise, we wouldn’t all be talking about her in the first place.) Yes, she takes her chances by putting her love life out in her songs for public consumption. Being an artist means being vulnerable, and she has nailed that since the beginning of her career.

Swift has in the process emerged as a confounding creature to many feminists, and thus has ended up the subject of surprisingly vitriolic diatribes from the likes of Camille Paglia and Jezebel. One, these are ridiculous rants against Swift, reflecting far more about the ranters than about the woman herself. What they’re saying is: We don’t think we’d like to hang out with her, and we don’t enjoy her music, therefore she can’t be a feminist like we are.

None of us are perfect feminists. If any of our lives were dissected piece by piece, you could put some parts in the “feminist” column, some parts in the “not,” and I’d hope we’d still be “allowed” to be feminists. Dating back to her teens, Swift has been inspiring little girls to pick up guitars and to write their own truths into song. She has also been perpetuating endless fairy tale, princess-in-distress fantasies through her songs, though I’d argue that that’s her truth. A then-teenage singer/songwriter couldn’t be held responsible for reflecting what her culture had taught her. And incidentally, her newer songs, like “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” and “I Knew You Were in Trouble” drop the Prince Charming delusions.

For me, she lands squarely in the feminist camp — whether she embraces that word or not — when she says this to Vanity Fair: “There’s a lesson in all this, in knowing that you can live your life in a way that you’re proud of and people are still gonna take shots.” Hopefully, she’ll keep doing just that, and growing.

Hollywood.com correspondent Jennifer Keishin Armstrong is the author of two forthcoming books, Sexy Feminism and Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted, a history of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. For more information visit  JenniferKArmstrong.com.