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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

THE 'FAIR WEDDING' IS OVER: DAVID TUTERA AND HIS HUSBAND OF 10 YEARS SPLIT


David Tutera
Chelsea Lauren/WireImage

David Tutera may be an expert when it comes to planning a wedding, but when it comes to making a union last, he's not as confident. After 10 years together, Tutera has filed paperwork to dissolve his domestic partnership with Ryan JuricaTMZ reports. 
This is reportedly not a simple or amicable split. Tutera and Jurica have a surrogate mother that is due to deliver their twins this July — and now the men are reportedly fighting over who will get custody of the children. Tutera is reportedly seeking full legal and physical custody of the twins.
According to TMZ, Tutera also doesn't want to pay Jurica spousal support. He instead wants Jurica to front all the money for all of his legal fees for their dissolution proceedings.
The fact that Tutera makes his living as a celebrity wedding planner and even has a TV show — My Fair Wedding — dedicated to the celebration of marriage makes this news all the more shocking.

Monday, May 13, 2013

CHRIS BROWN WHINES 'I CAN'T WIN' IN NEW SONG, PRETENDS IT'S NOT ABOUT RIHANNA


Chris Brown
Ivan Nikolov/WENN

Does Chris Brown finally get it? Has he gone from a myopic fool hell-bent on making the world see things through his eyes to a self-aware artist, painfully cognizant of the way much of the public sees him? Is he finally going to join the conversation instead of rebel against it? Let's be real. Of course not. The new song he released, aptly titled "I Can't Win," is about a journey of emotional struggle. He's not saying it's hisemotional struggle, but we kind of think it is. 
I hate to admit it, but "I Can't Win" is a bit of a jam. And the bits about this phantom girl hating him because "the only thing you love is the bottle" can only be questionably linked to his relationship withRihanna. But when he gets to the chorus, the song gets a little self-serving. "She ain't bluffing, she gon' do it/ I think it's time for me to face the music" followed by "Girl, if you love me, better prove it/I can't win/I can't win." Basically, this girl is a mess (probably an alcoholic) and it's her fault their relationship isn't working. Brown's character is just the poor schmuck who endlessly loves her to no avail.
Now, it's not a one-for-one transferral for his real situation with Rihanna, but based on Brown's behavior in the past and his mission to convince us that he's better now, is it beyond the realm of possibility that he'd feel he can't win with us, the celeb-news-obsessed-public? Wouldn't he seek a cathartic outlet to declare to the universe that, for fault completely not his own (that part's a bit of a fantasy), he's simply doomed? 
Let's add to that the way in which he presented the song, which won't be on his upcoming album. Brown simply tweeted the link to the Vimeo video stating "Some s**t I felt like writing that's not on the album." So, it's not for the album, but the emotions in it are so pressing that he just had to put them into music and share it with the world somehow? The song may not be specifically about his relationship with Rihanna, but I'll be damned if we're to believe his real emotions as a result of that past love aren't in play on this track. 
Listen for yourself and be the judge:

BILLBOARD BEATS: RIHANNA MAY 'STAY' IN THE TOP 10 FOR A WHILE LONGER


Rihanna
Kevin Mazur/WireImage

"No. 1" should be Rihanna's middle name. The Barbadian pop princess is well on the way to having another No. 1 hit with her single "Stay" featuring Mikky Ekko. The song has been charting on Billboard.com's Hot 100 for 12 weeks and it's making some major moves. Last week, the song was at No. 6, but this week it jumps up to No. 3.
Should P!nk feel threatened? Her song with Nate Ruess, "Just Give Me A Reason," has been holding onto the No.1 spot for a few weeks now — but it seems like Rihanna is hot on her heels. Rihanna has to get byMacklemore and Ryan Lewis' song "Can't Hold Us," though, before she can get on top. "Can't Hold Us" has been in the No. 2 spot for a few weeks now, too, so it might be hard for Rihanna to pass them — especially looking at the duo's past success with "Thrift Shop."
Only time will tell if Rihanna has another hit on her hands. In the meantime, check out which other songs made it to the top 10 this week.
The Top 10 Songs on Billboard.com's Hot 100 Chart:
1. "Just Give Me A Reason" by P!nk, Featuring Nate RuessPeak Position: 1
Last Week's Position: 1
Weeks on Chart: 11
2. "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, Featuring Ray Dalton
Peak Position: 2
Last Week's Position: 2
Weeks on Chart: 12
3. "Stay" by Rihanna, Featuring Mikky Ekko
Peak Position: 3
Last Week's Position: 6
Weeks on Chart: 12
4. "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, Featuring Wanz
Peak Position: 1
Last Week's Position: 3
Weeks on Chart: 30
5. "Mirrors" by Justin Timberlake
Peak Position: 5
Last Week's Position: 7
Weeks on Chart: 11
6. "When I Was Your Man" by Bruno Mars
Peak Position: 1
Last Week's Position: 4
Weeks on Chart: 19
7. "Suit & Tie" by Justin Timberlake
Peak Position: 3
Last Week's Position: 8
Weeks on Chart: 16
8. "Feel This Moment" by Pitbull, Featuring Christina Aguilera
Peak Position: 8
Last Week's Position: 9
Weeks on Chart: 14
9. "I Love It" by Icona Pop, Featuring Charli XCX
Peak Position: 9
Last Week's Position: 13
Weeks on Chart: 13
10. "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons
Peak Position: 7
Last Week's Position: 12
Weeks on Chart: 35

ODD FUTURE'S OFFENSIVE MOUNTAIN DEW COMMERCIAL IS A PROBLEM FOR 3 REASONS


Mountain Dew commercial, Odd Future
Mountain Dew

First of all, I didn't know Mountain Dew was still around. Wasn't particularly certain about Odd Future, either. But both entities have come soaring back to the public conscious at lightning speed, and for all the wrong reasons. Long criticized for a hypocrisy surrounding their anti-coporate brand, the hip-hop group Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All has teamed with the PepsiCo subsidiary for a new three-part soda commercial (crafted by Odd Future's own Tyler, the Creator), one that will spark condemnation not only for the obvious "sell out factor" (you can't have your cake and spout propaganda against the materialistic evils of the cake industry, too), but for three other highly specific, highly offensive reasons.
Let's start here, where the first problem is introduced. This commercial — an ad aiming to perpetuate the bounties of a refreshing soft drink — is a joke about physical abuse. Here, we see a goat raining blows upon a well-meaning waitress after becoming instantly addicted to her bequeathment of Mountain Dew. The woman's shrieks of pain and horror are not particularly over the top or sensationalized (not that this would forgive the material), but delivered straight, suggesting that comedy is inherent, or excusable, in a woman getting beaten up by a violent maniac.
The most innocuous of the chapters sees the goat fleeing from the scene of the crime, hopped up on Mountain Dew and packing a ton of the stuff in his trunk, when he gets pulled over by a police officer. There isn't really anything particularly horrendous about this one — yes, you can find fault with the levity afforded to drug abuse and intoxicated driving, but in comparison to the rest of the transgressions committed by this travesty, this doesn't seem all too severe. Moving on...
The motherload. By far, the most viciously disgraceful faction of the ad, and for three independent reasons:
1) Again, this installment is a minute-long joke about physical abuse. Here, we see the battered waitress, now called upon to pick the criminal who attacked her earlier out of a line-up.
Covered in scars, bruises, and casts, the actress is made to look like a helpless victim, succumbing to sobs as she folds into a pit of fear. Tugging her into the catastrophic spiral are voiceover threats from the goat — really nasty one-liners like, "Keep your mouth shut," and the champ of the lot, "I'm gonna get out of here, and I'm gonna do you up," (it is alarming that a major corporation would agree to having the very name of its product associated with a violent threat).
And when the woman, stricken with grief and horror over the ordeal, runs off the scene screaming, what follows isn't an acknowledgement of the morbidity in this episode, but a punchline. At her expense. Via the police officer whose very job it is to protect her.
As such, it appears that Mountain Dew is not only okay with using physical abuse to bolster a joke, it seems to think that physical abuse itself is a joke.
2) It almost feels too obvious to tread into the racial offenses committed by the commercial, but here goes: racist. Racist, racist, racist. Not accidental racist or reverse racist or Harry Crane racist or any of those idiotic qualifiers invented by people who consider progressive thinking to be the downfall of man, but racist.
The amoral, substance-addicted, hauntingly violent goat (whose unmistakably accented dialogue consists of phrases like "Betta not snitch on a playa!") joins a line-up consisting entirely of, as Dr. Boyce Watkins of Your Black World states in his criticism of the ad, "Not just regular black people, but the kinds of ratchety negroes you might find in the middle of any hip-hop minstrel show." It doesn't help matters that one of the men in the line-up is named "Beyonte."
Of course, an issue presents itself in the very declaration of the goat character as "racist," or that there exists any necessary link between the race of the other men and their appearance in the lineup. These claims are likely to garner accusations of racism themselves — isn't it just as judgmental to assume that these men are looked at specifically as black criminals? That the terminology "snitch on a playa" has an association with any specific race?
And to those who do find fault with these things, I agree. It is a problem, and a testament to cultural idiocy, that these associations exist and are fluidly propagated. But what's worse: the commercial knew exactly what it was doing in the use of these elements. It wanted to paint this goat, and its fellow line-up constituents, in a certain light that is associated, wrongly and harmfully, with race. And it succeeded. Therein lies its crime.
3) Finally, the third "issue" with the commercial. Now, many a great comedian has gotten away with, and been celebrated for, offensive humor. In these instances, such jokes are done tastefully. They have merit. They are used to prove a valuable point. And, of course, they're funny. This commercial is not.
Setting aside all of the detrimental points in its message, the final chapter of this commercial alone is a meandering, redundant, disjointed disgrace to the mathematics of humor. It disregards everything that goes into building a piece of comedy: It's quick cuts are more reminiscent of a horror movie (which, hell, this commercial should be) than of anything comic. It's mental back and forth between the woman and her assailant is overcooked and negligent of the all-powerful Rule of Threes, with seven lines of dialogue afforded to each... seven long, drawn-out, arhythmic, meaningless lines of dialogue that do not build upon one another in the slightest. When the punchline does hit, following a cut of the woman's extensive wailing and hobbling, the only achievement is relief. The minute-long travesty is over.
And while PepsiCo has pulled, and apologized for, the commercial, as reported by Adweek, we have to wonder what exactly was going through the advertising team's mind in the first place when accepting Tyler, the Creator's final product. How did they think physical abuse was something to joke about? How did they think racism was excusable? How did they think this was, in any way, funny? We don't get it.

ODD FUTURE'S OFFENSIVE MOUNTAIN DEW COMMERCIAL IS A PROBLEM FOR 3 REASONS


Mountain Dew commercial, Odd Future
Mountain Dew

First of all, I didn't know Mountain Dew was still around. Wasn't particularly certain about Odd Future, either. But both entities have come soaring back to the public conscious at lightning speed, and for all the wrong reasons. Long criticized for a hypocrisy surrounding their anti-coporate brand, the hip-hop group Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All has teamed with the PepsiCo subsidiary for a new three-part soda commercial (crafted by Odd Future's own Tyler, the Creator), one that will spark condemnation not only for the obvious "sell out factor" (you can't have your cake and spout propaganda against the materialistic evils of the cake industry, too), but for three other highly specific, highly offensive reasons.
Let's start here, where the first problem is introduced. This commercial — an ad aiming to perpetuate the bounties of a refreshing soft drink — is a joke about physical abuse. Here, we see a goat raining blows upon a well-meaning waitress after becoming instantly addicted to her bequeathment of Mountain Dew. The woman's shrieks of pain and horror are not particularly over the top or sensationalized (not that this would forgive the material), but delivered straight, suggesting that comedy is inherent, or excusable, in a woman getting beaten up by a violent maniac.
The most innocuous of the chapters sees the goat fleeing from the scene of the crime, hopped up on Mountain Dew and packing a ton of the stuff in his trunk, when he gets pulled over by a police officer. There isn't really anything particularly horrendous about this one — yes, you can find fault with the levity afforded to drug abuse and intoxicated driving, but in comparison to the rest of the transgressions committed by this travesty, this doesn't seem all too severe. Moving on...
The motherload. By far, the most viciously disgraceful faction of the ad, and for three independent reasons:
1) Again, this installment is a minute-long joke about physical abuse. Here, we see the battered waitress, now called upon to pick the criminal who attacked her earlier out of a line-up.
Covered in scars, bruises, and casts, the actress is made to look like a helpless victim, succumbing to sobs as she folds into a pit of fear. Tugging her into the catastrophic spiral are voiceover threats from the goat — really nasty one-liners like, "Keep your mouth shut," and the champ of the lot, "I'm gonna get out of here, and I'm gonna do you up," (it is alarming that a major corporation would agree to having the very name of its product associated with a violent threat).
And when the woman, stricken with grief and horror over the ordeal, runs off the scene screaming, what follows isn't an acknowledgement of the morbidity in this episode, but a punchline. At her expense. Via the police officer whose very job it is to protect her.
As such, it appears that Mountain Dew is not only okay with using physical abuse to bolster a joke, it seems to think that physical abuse itself is a joke.
2) It almost feels too obvious to tread into the racial offenses committed by the commercial, but here goes: racist. Racist, racist, racist. Not accidental racist or reverse racist or Harry Crane racist or any of those idiotic qualifiers invented by people who consider progressive thinking to be the downfall of man, but racist.
The amoral, substance-addicted, hauntingly violent goat (whose unmistakably accented dialogue consists of phrases like "Betta not snitch on a playa!") joins a line-up consisting entirely of, as Dr. Boyce Watkins of Your Black World states in his criticism of the ad, "Not just regular black people, but the kinds of ratchety negroes you might find in the middle of any hip-hop minstrel show." It doesn't help matters that one of the men in the line-up is named "Beyonte."
Of course, an issue presents itself in the very declaration of the goat character as "racist," or that there exists any necessary link between the race of the other men and their appearance in the lineup. These claims are likely to garner accusations of racism themselves — isn't it just as judgmental to assume that these men are looked at specifically as black criminals? That the terminology "snitch on a playa" has an association with any specific race?
And to those who do find fault with these things, I agree. It is a problem, and a testament to cultural idiocy, that these associations exist and are fluidly propagated. But what's worse: the commercial knew exactly what it was doing in the use of these elements. It wanted to paint this goat, and its fellow line-up constituents, in a certain light that is associated, wrongly and harmfully, with race. And it succeeded. Therein lies its crime.
3) Finally, the third "issue" with the commercial. Now, many a great comedian has gotten away with, and been celebrated for, offensive humor. In these instances, such jokes are done tastefully. They have merit. They are used to prove a valuable point. And, of course, they're funny. This commercial is not.
Setting aside all of the detrimental points in its message, the final chapter of this commercial alone is a meandering, redundant, disjointed disgrace to the mathematics of humor. It disregards everything that goes into building a piece of comedy: It's quick cuts are more reminiscent of a horror movie (which, hell, this commercial should be) than of anything comic. It's mental back and forth between the woman and her assailant is overcooked and negligent of the all-powerful Rule of Threes, with seven lines of dialogue afforded to each... seven long, drawn-out, arhythmic, meaningless lines of dialogue that do not build upon one another in the slightest. When the punchline does hit, following a cut of the woman's extensive wailing and hobbling, the only achievement is relief. The minute-long travesty is over.
And while PepsiCo has pulled, and apologized for, the commercial, as reported by Adweek, we have to wonder what exactly was going through the advertising team's mind in the first place when accepting Tyler, the Creator's final product. How did they think physical abuse was something to joke about? How did they think racism was excusable? How did they think this was, in any way, funny? We don't get it.

KEVIN SPACEY CAN'T STOP DOING AWESOME PHOTOBOMBS


Kevin Spacey Photo Bomb
Reddit

Kevin Spacey was in Boston for some very serious business, to meet with law enforcement officials and victims of the Boston bombing, but that doesn't mean he couldn't have some fun while there. While jogging in a park, he saw a girl about to get her photo taken, ran up behind her, shouted "Photobomb!" and then jogged off. The girl's friend told the world on Reddit
Spacey used a similar tactic on Saturday night at the White House Correspondent's Dinner. The House of Cards star (who is currently in Baltimore filming season two of the Netflix hit) crept up behindMatthew Perry and Conan O'Brien and made a face that will make all the hair fall off your cat. Look below, this photo is NSFC (not safe for cats). Well, we're glad that this funny guy has found himself an awesome new hobby. They're both so great that they almost make up for K-PAX
Matthew Perry, Conan O'Brien, Kevin Spacey
Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage

MILEY CYRUS' RACY PHOTO SHOOT SAYS 'F**K IT,' PROVES HER VIXEN IMAGE IS NOT AN ACT


V, Miley Cyrus
Mario Testino for V Magazine

Honestly, New Miley kind of rules. Before you get too up in arms, Miley Cyrus did tell us she Can't Be Tamed back in 2010 and clearly, we should have listened. This "rebel" was there all along. In her new photo spread and interview for V Magazine, Cyrus lets loose — all the way loose — with racy images of her provactively pulling on her waistband and wearing shorts that are doing a terrible job of being shorts (see: butt cheeks on parade) as well as a crop top with a penchant for showing under-boob (images below, pervs). And while we've been referring to her antics as "acting out" — something we've been doing since she first started trying to shed her Disney image — she looks so at home in these scandalous poses, we're starting to believe that this is the real Miley.
What's more, in her accompanying interview, which pairs Miley with her unreleased album's producer Pharrell Williams (whom she calls "P"), Cyrus talks about why she cut off all her hair and started dressing like a punk rock vixen. "In my mind I’m Gucci Mane, but on paper I’m a pop artist," Cyrus tells V in the May issue. She adds that this image has always been her thing, but now pop culture is catching up. "Now I’m like, F**k it. It’s not about the girly-girl s**t anymore, the pop s**t. Times are changing, music is changing, fashion is changing. It’s all changing," she says.
And before you shake your head and revert back to her old catchphrase (she's just being Miley), know that Williams actually agrees. Referring to the time she fired back at Tyler, the Creator when he made fun of her short, blonde haircut on Twitter, Williams says, "'Yes, I will nuke you. I’m not afraid. But I like your music.' That’s the real s**t. That was a very proud moment for me. Name another pop artist under 21 who would have responded like that. Because on paper she’s a pop artist. If you cut her open, she’s many things." The man's got a point. 
Alright, Miley-haters. Are you on-board yet? 
V, Miley Cyrus
Mario Testino for V Magazine

V, Miley Cyrus
Mario Testino for V Magazine

V, Miley Cyrus
Mario Testino for V Magazine

AMANDA BYNES AND EXOTIC DANCER BLAC CHYNA ARE THE SAME


Amanda Bynes, BlacChyna
Facebook; Twitter

When Amanda Bynes is not tweeting alarming comments about her weight she is apparently conducting revealing interviews with the tabloids she claims to revile. The most recent being with In Touch
While the interview is littered with such gems as "Every time I’ve heard [that I'm insane] it came from an ugly person’s mouth, so I don’t care," and "I only have hot friends" the most revealing part is when Bynes comments on the inspiration for her new look. "I wanted to look like [exotic dancer] Blac Chyna," she says. 
I don't know about you, but I had no idea who Blac Chyna is. So, to Google! Turns out, if Blac Chyna is the model for Bynes' makeover, Bynes did a bang-up job. The two look about as similar as two people of different races can. 
Furthermore, it looks like Bynes has been emulating Blac Chyna's selfie poses as well as her fashion choices. The similarities between the two women's social media habits are striking. 
Check it these near-identical selfies:
The Gym Glamour Shot
Amanda Bynes, BlacChyna
Instagram; Twitter

The Beanie
Amanda Bynes, BlacChyna
Instagram; Twitter

The Gratuitous Lingerie in the Bathroom
Amanda Bynes, BlacChyna
Facebook; Twitter

The "Too Much Flash"
Amanda Bynes, BlacChyna
Instagram; Twitter
 
So, riddle me this, friends. Is Bynes truly enamored with Blac Chyna, or is this just the next step in her plan to Borat us all?

'PROJECT RUNWAY' AND 'RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE' STAR SANTINO RICE IS SHOCKINGLY BUFF


Santino Rice
Instagram

When we think of former Project Runway contestant Santino Rice, we think of a tall, gawky villain who was as creative as he was cruel on the show's second season. We do not think of a buffed, bronzed god with rippling abs and a lifetime of free tickets to the gun show. Check out Santino above and just tell me that is what you thought the RuPaul's Drag Race judge (yes, that is what he is doing now) would look like with his shirt off. 
As our friends at Queerty pointed out, he has a handfull of pictures of himself in various states of undress on his Instagram account and, based on the other photos there, he got all that definition by eating nothing but vegetables and weird green smoothie shake things. I shouldn't make fun of it because in order to get my stomach that flat, well, I'd do just about anything!
Santino's not the only guy who got suddenly hot. Just click on his abs below and check out 10 other famous guys who went for geek to Greek
Santino Rice

THERE'S ANOTHER REESE WITHERSPOON ARREST VIDEO: REESE GETS A SCOLDING FROM HUSBAND JIM TOTH


Reese Witherspoon, Jim Toth
Wenn

Reese Witherspoon should have kept her mouth shut the night that she was busted for obstruction of justice and her husband Jim Toth was arrested for DUI. But she didn't — and now the Oscar-winning actress is still dealing with the consequences. On Thursday night, TMZ released three embarrassing videos of Witherspoon and Toth's arrests. And on Friday, the gossip site released a fourth one. 
The new video only shows a view through the windshield of the police car — but while you can't see Witherspoon, you can hear her. In the first part of the video, Witherspoon argues with the cop, name-dropping herself in an attempt to get out of trouble. As we all now know, that doesn't fly. But in the second part of the video, as Witherspoon and her husband sit in the back of the police car, a slurring Toth admonishes her for getting out of control. "He's arresting us. For what? What have I done?" the 37-year-old actress can be heard demanding of her husband in the video. "He told you to stop," Toth replies.
"I'm an American citizen," Witherspoon tells Toth. "I can say whatever I want to on free ground. He does not have jurisdiction over the ground he speaks on. He does not. I'm allowed to say anything I want to say."
Toth didn't want Witherspoon to get involved in the first place, though. "All you should have done is let me get arrested," he says. "Arrested for what?" she asks. "A DUI," he responds. 
Drunkedy-drunk Witherspoon then asks, "What did I get arrested for?" "You wouldn't listen to what he said," Toth replies. "It just turned it really bad." 
He was right. It did turn really bad. Listen to the video below.
New Video:
Other Videos:


Sunday, May 12, 2013

HOTMAIL IS DEAD, BUT WE'VE STILL GOT HOT MALES (AS IN GIFS OF HOT GUYS)


Ryan Gosling, Crazy Stupid Love, Shirtless

Sorry, grandparents. Hotmail is no more. It's being ransacked and transferred over to the new Outlook.com. But what shall we do? The platform that served up our first ever email addresses is officially a thing of the past? It's going to live on in the form of its punny friend: hot male(s). 
Hot Male (haut-mayle): Any man whose physical perfection gives us the giggles. 
You know what? I don't think you've quite got it yet. Don't worry. We've got you.
Hot males generally look like this:
And say things like this:
And do things like this:
And definitely know this:
Sometimes they're sports stars (on TV):
And they're really good at hitting the showers:
Have we learned enough about hot males yet? Let's ask Fassy: 
Nope? Okay! Sometimes they walk like this:
And giggle disarmingly like this:
And when they're spent, they raise their eyebrows like this:
So in summary, see ya later, Hotmail!

REESE WITHERSPOON IS A PREGNANT LAWYER, OR SO ALCOHOL MAKES HER THINK


Reese Witherspoon, Good Morning America
Ida Mae Astute/ABC

Unless you're a devout Mormon or a teenager with a cop for a dad, you've probably flirted with the perils of alcohol consumption at one point or another. Although masquerading as an innocuous compliment to your steak dinner, the various ales and hard liquors of our fair world work some devilish magic on the minds of those who dare to imbibe. One too many sips, and you'll be spouting embellishments about your monetary intake, exaggerations of your athletic prowess, or sometimes — like in the case of one Reese Witherspoon — flat out lies about the occupancy of your uterus.
You'll recall the Legally Blonde actress' recent kerfuffle with an Atlanta police officer, who arrested her husband Jim Toth for driving under the influence on Apr. 19. While a sober Witherspoon might have handled the ordeal with grace and maturity, she allowed the spirits of the vineyard to play Cyrano during this tumultuous episode, spouting completely false stories to get her and Toth off the hook. "I have no idea what I was saying that night. I saw him arresting my husband and I literally panicked," the actress told Good Morning America on Thursday. "I said all kinds of crazy things. I told him I was pregnant. I'm not pregnant! I said crazy things."
And while the officer in question might not have fallen victim to the ruse, Witherspoon managed to trick herself into believing the tall tales of the sauce. "I've played a lawyer so many times in movies, I think I am a lawyer. And clearly, I'm not a lawyer. So, I learned a lot." I hear it was a drunken escapade through Georgia that got Johnny Depp to snap out of thinking he was Jack Sparrow, too.
Moreover, Witherspoon used her GMA appearance to express her apologies for and remorse over the ordeal, remarking that "the hardest part about it [is] having to tell our kids." And that's just the real kids she's talking about — what about all the imaginary unborn ones she's going to have to explain this to?

ARE THESE 2013 KENTUCKY DERBY HORSES OR CRAZY CELEBRITY BABY NAMES?


Horse, Baby
Getty Images

You pick up the newspaper (or iPad version of the Times because we live in the future now) the day after the Kentucky Derby and read the name of the winner. More often than not, it sounds like something a royally wasted guy in a nightclub might yell to his friends. "Mine That Bird! Thunder Gulch!" he might wail as he trips over his own knock-off Armani loafers. Perhaps, in the cab on the way home, he yelps "Gato Del Sol! Dust Commander!"
But, when you think about it, who's to say whether those names belong to prize-winning steeds or the latest offspring of Hollywood's starry-eyed (and sometimes loopy) elite? I mean, we're all fawning over a baby who goes by Blue Ivy Carter these days. How different could these names be? Not very, it turns out.
In anticipation of Saturday's most exciting two minutes in sports, we've decided to test your skills. Which of the names below are horses and which ones are celebrity babies? (Answers below. You're going to need them.)
And we're off!
1. Rainbow Aurora
2. Golden Soul
3. Governor Charlie
4. Bluebell Madonna
5. Indian August
6. Falling Sky
7. Black Onyx
8. Seven Sirius
9. Diva Thin Muffin
10. Charming Kitten
Let's take a quick break of disbelief before continuing on to the back 10.
11. Buddy Bear
12. Midnight Lucky
13. Alabama Gypsy Rose
14. Free
15. Orb
16. Tu Morrow
17. Code West
18. Palace Malice
19. Moxie Crimefighter
20. Normandy Invasion
Feeling a little confused?
It's okay. I made this list and I can't even remember who's who.
Or maybe, you think you've got it all sorted out and you're wagging your head at the rest of us mouth-breathing simpletons. Alright, smartypants, compare your responses to the answers below and see how you fared. 
ANSWERS:
1. Rainbow Aurora — CELEB KID (daughter of Holly Madison)
2. Golden Soul — HORSE
3. Governor Charlie — HORSE
4. Bluebell Madonna — CELEB KID (daughter of Spice Girl Geri Haliwell)
5. Indian August – CELEB KID (daughter of Casey Affleck)
6. Falling Sky — HORSE
7. Black Onyx – HORSE
8. Seven Sirius — CELEB KID (son of Erykah Badu and Andre 3000)
9. Diva Thin Muffin — CELEB KID (daughter of Frank Zappa)
10. Charming Kitten —  HORSE
11. Buddy Bear — CELEB KID (son of celeb chef Jamie Oliver)
12. Midnight Lucky — HORSE
13. Alabama Gypsy Rose — CELEB KID (daughter of Drea De Matteo)
14. Free — CELEB KID (daughter of Barbara Hershey and David Carradine)
15. Orb — HORSE
16. Tu Morrow — CELEB KID (daughter of actor Rob Morrow)
17. Code West — HORSE (even if it sounds like Kanye West's future offspring)
18. Palace Malice — HORSE
19. Moxie Crimefighter — CELEB KID (daughter of comedian Penn Jillete, from Penn and Teller)
20. Normandy Invasion — HORSE
Bonus Points if you knew that Mine That Bird, Thunder Gulch, Gato Del Sol, and Dust Commander were derby winners from 2009, 1995, 1982, And 1970.
How'd you do?

5 REASONS WHY ALEC BALDWIN'S DAUGHTER IRELAND IS YOUR NEW ROLE MODEL


Alec Baldwin and Ireland Baldwin
Jackson Lee/Splash News

People are terrible. Somehow, this gorgeous young lady, who just so happens to be the offspring of Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger, has endured harsh criticisms about her weight. Ireland Baldwin, age 18, was recently signed as a model and has already started putting her startlingly good looks to use and, apparently, brought the worst out of a few horrible people. But Ms. Baldwin isn't about to stand for it, as she explains in an open letter posted on her Tumblr. 
Not only are her comments incredibly heartfelt and touching, she seems to be a pretty smart cookie. Baldwin doesn't come back at her detractors with fire or Alec Baldwin-esque rage. She's clear, straightforward, thoughtful, and completely on the money. This is the sort of woman girls should look up to.
Reason 1: She gets it. She really gets it. "Of course I get those comments about how I am too fat to model, how I am not model material, how I am an unattractive girl, how I am too tall, etc. I understand. I don’t look as glamourous as Rosie Huntington Whitely when leaving the gym. I’m actually really sweaty. Like really sweaty. I understand that I am not a size .008. What I don’t fully understand, is what is the good in commenting on a photo of a 17 year old girl and calling her fat, ugly, etc? Is that helping you in some way? I’m confused."
Exactly. We're confused too, what exactly do people get out of tweeting or commenting or communicating by carrier pigeon that they believe anyone is "too fat" for his or her job? Spoiler alert: Baldwin is still going to be a model whether or not you tweet something nasty about it.
Reason 2: She knows real beauty is everywhere. "If you don’t have a complimentary thing to say about someone, keep it to yourself. I am not just talking about comments on photos of myself. I see hateful comments everywhere. It’s bad energy being put out there! Personally, I try to see the beauty in everyone. It’s there. Every girl out there has a beautiful feature. I even see the beauty in the people who send me hateful replies!"
Way to go, girl. Kill those hateful folks with kindness. And while I wish the pleas of a celebrity's model daughter were enough to inspire the commenters of the world to take a chill pill, alas, it's just a dream. If only society could be what Ms. Baldwin willed it to be.
Reason 3: You can't judge a teen by her parents. In fact, why are we judging teens at this tough stage anyway?"I also get compared to my Mom quite a bit and this is where I bridge into the point of this whole post. I AM NOT MY PARENTS. My mom is one of the most beautiful woman in the world. She is 5’9, I am 6’2. She is petite and fragile, and I am fit and…. more to love tehe. I have a booty, she has a thigh gap. As she emerged from her teen years, she developed an angular face and striking cheekbones. I am still a teen making my way out of my awkward phase. I am still trying to figure this whole thing out."
Not only is Baldwin giving us the immediate "I'm not my mother" treatment, but she's getting into deeper territory: teen girls judging other teen girls before they've had the chance to mature into the women they are meant to be. Baldwin calls herself "more to love" and embraces the fact that she's got a "booty," proving that despite her young age, she's got the ability to accept and love her own shape. But she takes it a step further: as a teen, judgment is useless. The teen years are when girls are still figuring themselves and their bodies out. What good does it do to comment on that process wtih such negativity? 
Reason 4: She's forgiven her dad, why can't everyone else?
"Just like almost all of you, my Dad has made some mistakes in the past. He has spoken out of place, he has let his temper get the best of him, and he has reacted towards things in ways he shouldn’t have. I get hateful replies and threats regarding mistakes of my Dad’s past. This isn’t fair. I had nothing to do with anything that happened back then, so I don’t fully understand why I am being targeted."
Somehow, the anger over Alec Baldwin's infamous voicemail in which he called Ireland a "pig" has transferred from the father to his innocent daughter. But Ireland's not angry. She's not calling anyone names. She calmly tells us that this is a personal moment in her past and that it has nothing to do with her or who she is as a young adult.
Reason 5: She's independent, ambitious, and incredibly self-aware.
"I am not seeking fame by association. I do not want to be simply know as a model. I am proud to be my parent’s [sic] daughter, but I don’t want to forever be known as 'that rude thoughtless little pig' or 'Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger’s kid.' I have passions and interests of my own that I want to soon give life to. I want to be known for helping others and being a healthy role model. That is what matters most to me overall. Before sending hateful replies and emails, consider all of this. Talk to me! I am friendly. I do not think I am better than anyone."
Are we sure this girl is really an 18-year-old daughter of two famous celebrities? She's so grounded and so aware of how the world around her works. She's not afraid of being the girl who received the "thoughtless little pig" voicemail. That's a part of her past, and it's real. But now, she wants to be her own woman, and she wants to be a positive influence on the parts of the world she touches. 
This is what a young lady should be like. I'm so delighted by Baldwin, I'm not even going to harp on the handful of grammatical errors she made. She is still a teenager, after all.